It was not easy to say goodbye that day. Even harder since you died that way.
I was told to hold it together, Show no emotions for her.
I went to church stone faced, All my emotions were misplaced.
For years I trudged on without a second thought. Ignorance was how I fought.
Till one silent night I laid, And sorrow began to plague.
My first sleepless night kept me awake, Overwhelmed by the suppressed I began to break.
I watched you fall apart, And that broke my heart.
I felt so useless, When you where in that mess.
We were not allowed to mourn, Because others wanted to ignore.
Too much forces you to get up and get over, Although sorrow always hovers.
Causing panic attacks from the past, Because I was not allowed to mourn the past.
I thought I was fine, But I was already blind.
I flinched at every corner, As my mind tried to protect me from the horror.
I feel forever torn, Because I never had the chance to mourn.

R.D. Jess

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Hi, I am R.D. Jess. I am a christian writer and postpartum doula. My relationship with my God is not a religion but a state of who I am. I love being there for others and find that writing the hard truth is the best way to make people feel less alone.

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