CHRONIC

The constant feeling of falling but never reaching the end.
In pain but you cover it up with the way you pretend.
Everything is great, everything is fine, I’m doing just alright.
Everything hurts, always on meds, just trying to fight.
One day may be good, but tomorrow could be another hospital run.
So on those good days you soak up every minute in the sun.
Chronic illness makes you feel weak and lazy.
Longing to keep up standards and not feel hazy.
Felt obligation from ridicule you heard as a kid.
What can we say? We didn’t know better than what we did.
The nails are chipped and your hair is falling out.
Your skin aches and burns, so you know it’s another bout.
Slept all day but your tiredness seems to increase.
The dragged on days of feeling sick never seem to cease.
Each symptom is filled with sorrow that is a broken reminder.
My body seems on course to kill me, or at least hinder.
As much as you would love to hang with your friends.
The continual restraint of ability is something you resent.
Missing big events because you suddenly fall sick.
Or because you are avoiding the probability of being pricked. 
Feeling like a burden to others because you can’t give much.
Doing your best to stay healthy but you can’t keep down lunch.
Clinging to chairs, walls or maybe your husbands arm
Just to avoid the possibility of bringing yourself harm.
The constant wondering if you have the strength to make it through.
While hiding symptoms while at parties with the meds that are new.
Sitting with a bible in the palm of your hands.
Trying your best to trust in the almighty’s plan.
While wondering if it’s a test, curse or not meant to be understood.
Reminding yourself that all things work out for the good.
Whether it is here or on the other side of heaven.
Some things aren’t meant to be a lesson.
Chronically ill is not a punishment nor a curse,
But is a result of the original sins curse.

by r.d. jess