Have you ever sat thinking about what your doing in life? I sat on my great grandma’s chair on March 23rd thinking I just couldn’t win. I came across another hurtle with my job and I just broke up with my boyfriend. I knew people were upset with me about leaving my church and I was scared of losing my friends. After striving hard, I found myself at square one again.
That is a frustrating experience and one I was too familiar with. I did a lot of praying that morning, but I had no idea what God was going to do. In the midst of defeat I received a text from a friend asking how I was doing. Honestly I was a complete mess, unsure if I had the strength to pick up the pieces of my life again. I told my friend Duke that it was hitting me hard. Like the good friend he has always been, he asked me if I wanted to chop down a cherry tree. Are you kidding me, of course I wanted a distraction! I already spent the day before stress eating and that morning looking like a mess. I didn’t want the rest of my day to look like me crying as I tried to get computer work done.
I took my friend up on the offer, and it ended up being one of the best decisions I have ever made. As we took out the tree I realized he was no longer the boy I knew in high school. When he took me out for lunch I wanted it to continue. Apparently he wanted the same so we went for a drive. On that drive I realized how much I enjoyed his company. When he got all nervous I knew what question he was going to ask. Like the saying goes, “The rest is History.” I have an amazing boyfriend now and the past month with him is almost indescribable.
On top of that, I pushed myself in several different ways. I took a handgun fundamentals training class. I took a road trip down to Santa Clementi. For some of you, that might not be a big deal to you. For me, shooting a gun was a moment of confidence. To know how to handle something with so much power and control it. To get over my fear of shooting was good. The drive to Santa Clementi was evidence of healing. Even greater was the joy I had as I walked the beach and took a trolly. knowing I got in the car and drove, and that for a moment I wasn’t in charge of fixing problems or making people feel loved. I got to enjoy the sights around me. I don’t think I have ever truly enjoyed taking in the sights of a city.
I’ve always had peoples thoughts and opinions running in my ear. That day I got to watch the sun set with my siblings. It’s funny how I can tell you about my past month and still feel like I haven’t done much, but that is the people pleaser inside of me. I know people want to hear about success. The problem of trying to measure up to everyone’s expectation for your life, is that you begin to live their life not yours. I have a choice to make and it starts with the question, “what kind of life do I want to live?”
– R.D. Jess