Sinking sand to solid ground.
I was walking out behind my house in the desert fields praying. “God have I gone off the rails? Help my unbelief, please don’t let me go! Please lead my feet on paths you have for me.” Well the path He had for me dragged me through doubts to find a blessed assurance. I wrestled a lot since January and I know it won’t be the last time. Now that it is all over I can clearly see what God was doing. I also feel blessed that I get the gift of knowing the purpose. This was all to strengthen my assurance in my God. To grow in faith and to feel the weight of Grace. How God planted my feet in the solid ground was first to till the ground beneath me.
January 20th God made it abundantly clear I should start attending Valley Bibles church. Out of fear of hurting people from my church I decided to pray about it…aka, delay what I knew needed to be done. The inner turmoil it caused was breaking me. I kept wondering if I was running away from God. I felt like I was losing it, flying off the rails. Then I stopped running and started attending Valley Bible at the start of March. I don’t know how long God will have me there, but it has been really good for me spiritually.
The sermons were exactly what I needed to hear! I needed the simple gospel, I needed to understand the meaning of Grace. I have found hope where my feet stumbled. My second mistake was a package deal of Murphy’s law and stupidity. I met a guy online and everything that could go wrong went wrong. I let others’ opinions influence my decisions. I do not blame them just to be clear, but I hold myself responsible for choosing to take the advice. Things just went wrong and it took me too long to catch on to the manipulation this guy was doing.
After he met my friends I realized I didn’t love him. In fact I had a stronger connection with my friend across the table then I did with this dude. Not good if you believe in dating for marriage. March 19th I knew God was asking me to trust him. I knew I needed to break up with this guy. After what happened with praying over the church I knew better than to delay. So I began to try to figure out how to break up with this dude. God was kind enough to show me how dangerous this man was. I broke up that following Wednesday.
As much as this whole thing was frustrating to me. I am walking away with the full assurance that God’s will is good, the path he directs my feet is all for his glory. I trust in it, whether that path calls pain or joy. This path opened a door that was previously closed. Both a spiritual and relational door. I’m sitting with a cup of tea and looking out my window. Replaying events and smiling at God’s design. I keep asking myself “how did I get here?” I did not get myself here, God led my feet to solid ground just like I asked him to. I would even say the spirit led me to pray in a way I would not have known. God restored my faith that had been lost along the way. In such a short time I found myself in a relationship with a good guy friend. Obviously if things continue to get serious with this new guy I will have to return to my old church. Right now I am not feeling called back to my old church. God’s timing is perfect, I know I will return when it’s right.