Big Regrets

My Biggest Regret is letting what people thought of me, become me.

I didn’t grow into being brave, I had to unbury that grave.

Your actions told me to stay, and I quietly obeyed.

You called my gentleness, shy and never let me grow past that place.

Sometimes I wonder if anyone can see past their first impressions and show a weary heart a kind of Compassion.

I felt so stuck, in the middle of all that muck.

I guess we can’t believe someone would grow, thinking that they’re faking that growth all on their own.

You asked me to speak and then used those words against me.

Why do you think my mouth is shut? That’s why I never utter a simple thought.

Why my pen knows my secret, and you have to look for it.

The ink shows me how I feel, while you tell me how to feel.

On point my toes always stayed, being careful to not shatter your ways.

I am confused to what is me, and who I’ve made myself to believe.

I wish I could tell them that those same words that cut them cut me.

Don’t you dare pity me unless your willing to see that you were the one who caused it in me.

I guess you would never see, because you would never pity me.

Your laughter still rings in my ear, that is why I cower in fear.

What drives you crazy about me, is what you did to me.

So don’t live in that regret, I know how to forgive and forget.

Mending the broken pieces left on the floor, and that I don’t have to lock the door.

I know how to see you as precious, and not malicious.

That you are reflecting sin’s deception, and truth is the prescription.

I see you through eyes of compassion, after that split second rage of passion.

I don’t see you the way you think I do, here lies the truth.

My biggest Regret is letting myself become who I thought they’ve seen and let that become me.

-R.D. Jess

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Hi, I am R.D. Jess. I am a christian writer and postpartum doula. My relationship with my God is not a religion but a state of who I am. I love being there for others and find that writing the hard truth is the best way to make people feel less alone.

4 thoughts on “Big Regrets

  1. I think this was incredible. Your thoughts were open and bold and raw. Continue to use your pen to fill the pages that your heart has held closed for so long. This helps us all who understand and it heals you. Thank you for being vulnerable.

    Liked by 1 person

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