Time does a lot to a person, especially in this world. Time had made my heart grow hard and cold. I lost a lot of life and spirit. I would try to explain why getting up out of bed every day was hard, why I felt overwhelmed. I shared as a way to find someone who would help me. My alarm clock echoed the ache of still not finding life. I clung to the only life line I had, which if it is not obvious from my writing is my relationship with the Lord. We all need some sort of anchor in this world, something steady and sure. Some cling to family, friends, a job, hobbies and entertainment just to name a few. Yet all of those failed me at one point or another.
Dear readers my journey on this adventure has finally turned a chapter in this story. I decided I would take you on this journey with me if you were willing to take the leap with me. Let me tell you the tale of my past few chapters in my life. As I stated above I have been in a really dark place for a really long time. There have been several things I have been praying and seeking for. I was getting use to all the doors being locked. I was starting to think I would be left out in the hallway all alone. With in a blink of an eye I watched doors not only fly open, but pull me in.
As someone with a history of depression I repeat to myself “this is only a moment, Joy will come in the morning”. (Psalm 30:5) It is a pleasure to meet joy and laughter again. To breath and feel my heart beet once again. I went to New Jersey over the summer to help out another church, but I think they helped me more then I helped them.
Have you ever thought of yourself in some way, but it was contradictory to all things you have been called? I have been called so many things in my life, I had become a slave to them. While in New Jersey I meet so many kind people. They all seemed to look right through my soul and were not afraid to tell me what they saw. Their words unlocked many of the chains that have been holding me back.
Have you ever felt like you where carrying a burden that would crush you? I have felt not only my personal weight, but the weight of others as well. It was like I was lost out to sea and trying to save all the drowning people in the ocean as well. In a way I think life is like a sea and we are all out a drift trying to make it to the shore. We can not make that journey to the shore alone. We would all drown of exhaustion if we try to swim the whole way there. We need to gather on a boat of some sort, while on that boat every one most do their part or more of a burden is placed on someone else. I had felt like was rowing a steam engine on my own. The word alone was the feeling that had taken root in my soul. To my surprise when I was ready to jump ship I found a smiling face.
I will say I am moving on from that past, I obviously no longer live there. Since that smiling face I have meet many other new faces. I no longer feel like I am rowing a steam engine, but I am starting to sail a small boat with many other crew members. In the midst of that life victory came with a flood of moments where I was surprised by joy. One moment that caught me off guard was when I logged on to Pinterest. I had been uploading quotes from my blog there for a while. It never made it past 300 views, with in three days it jumped to 3.3k views. The number landed 4.2k views for almost two months straight. I cried out of pure shock and laughed out a sweet surprise.
Another door that pulled me in was like a dream wrapped in bow. Fitting, because it was close to my birthday. My mom found this trust worthy writing workshop class and sent me the link. It is being done by one of my favorite authors Ted Dekker. I bought the class and at the end of it, I will be able to send part of my work into his editor. Can I feel my heart beat? There have been so many things that have chipped away at my heart of stone. Can anyone relate to this? I want to say in closing that my blog is not just a place where I write. I am not seeking fans, but friends of the trade. People who love stories and want to get lost in a world of meaning. I feel alive, I hope my writing reflects this new heart beat of mine. I hope it is like a hand stretched out to all of you who have felt a drift or drowning out to sea.
I want this place to feel like a place where we can sit with an old friend around a camp fire. Where we stay up late into the hour talking and day dreaming. All of us snug and warm as we drink our favorite cup of whatever. (mine will be a cup of tea). If there is anyway, for me to help create this feeling, Let me know; I would love to talk.
With Love ,