Good teacher we once called Him, now what has happened. I Have joined a crowed screaming crucify Him, didn’t I love You? It is all to confusing. Jesus you were perfect, you knew just what to say and when to say it. You Were silent; if only you spoke, you would have been found innocent. Why did you stay silent? Why didn’t you call Heaven down on those people? I don’t understand, I didn’t understand why you would take a beating from them and not do something. What were you doing messiah, I thought you were going to save us? I almost couldn’t watch them whip you, but I kept watching anyways. Your screams shuck me to the bone as if my body is screaming too.

How can anyone endure this while crying tears of love, instead of anger? you amaze me, and it hurts that I allowed it to happen. Pilate brought Him before us saying here is your king. We denied Him, asking to not only crucify Him; but to also let a murderer go free! What were we thinking? Even Pilate thought He was the one we were looking for, and we missed it. He was hung with two other criminals, but everyone wanted to see His death. How did that man carry a cross when you could barley stand? Blood pulled from his wounds as men gambled for His stuff.

His mother and friends watched close by. Jesus tended the needs for the rest of His mothers life, as He slowly died. I watched Him talk to the criminals, something about one of them going to be with Him in heaven. I heard Him talk to His father in the sky, He was pleading for forgiveness. It hurt that He would ask for forgiveness to those who are taking His life. Wait, didn’t He tell us that the greatest form of love was laying down ones life for someone? This was almost to much, so part of me was pleased when He said it was finished. Jesus’ side was pierced and I watched water and blood come out. He was dead. It is over and He lays in a tomb; yet I can’t shake the events of that day. It tugs at my heart, I feel like I made a mistake. I have heard roomers that He has raised from the dead.

What does all of this mean? Jesus laid down His life for what cause? His disciples speak of forgiveness of sins. Did Jesus Die so that I might live? His disciples say that few will die for a good person, But God died for us knowing all of our mistakes. They say because of this I am declared righteous, His death saved me from wrath. Saved me from the punishment I deserved? This was all to much to take in, I had seen and heard to much. I don’t know what to do with this information, God dyeing for what reason? I Have been listening to Paul the apostle preach for awhile now, but I have to many questions. He is walking through the crowed, sharing. Lord if this is true will you help me to understand?

All of a sudden Paul stopped in front of me, I know he was addressing the angry crowed. Somehow I knew what he was saying was meant for me. Christ took on our sins at the cross, so that we might be free from it. Jesus’ death means sin has no more dominion over us, so why do you chose to still be a slave to it?

-R.D. Jess

Published by reneweddream.com

Hi, I am R.D. Jess. I am a christian writer and postpartum doula. My relationship with my God is not a religion but a state of who I am. I love being there for others and find that writing the hard truth is the best way to make people feel less alone.

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