Mary’s struggle

Mary’s Struggle- By Renewed Dream
I was so excited, I was in awe. No, I am unsure of those words. It was a horrifying moment, an
Angel of the Lord in my house. If there was ever a moment in my life that I felt every emotion
possible at once; it was then. I felt so much fear at first, sort of how I am feeling now.
No, nothing like how I am feeling now. How am I supposed to tell my betrothed that I am
pregnant. How am I supposed to explain that I am still a virgin, that God asked me to bear the
messiah. Mary sat down under a tree, just a few yards away from Joseph house. Tears weld up
in her eyes thinking about all the possibilities of how Joseph could respond.
Would he respond by yelling or accusing me? I feel like I am going to throw up, even though there
is nothing in my stomach. Everything is causing me pain, and I haven’t shared what has happened
yet. My stomach feels empty inside, I don’t think I can satisfy it. It aches from an emptiness
caused by a numbing fear. Will He believe me? Would he stay?
Mary spoke out loud to God, this just doesn’t make sense. Ha, you amaze me my Lord. Some say
you have abandoned us, some say you never existed. Lord you exist that’s for sure, asking me to
have faith just as Noah, Abraham, and Moses. I need you to give me strength if I am to make it
through this.
How many years had past with silence, in waiting. Would anyone believe me? I know what needs
to be done, if only I could force myself to do it. I feel frozen, while a million thoughts plague my
head. You know God is good, but what if this only ends in suffering?
Then wouldn’t it be for His glory? I already can imagine the shame this will bring upon me, can
I handle something like that? No, no I can’t; but isn’t that the point? My weakness reveals His
greatness? If anyone knew I was talking to myself they would think I was insane. I feel insane.
Stop this Mary, you already know the answer to your problem. You know what God has asked of
yourself and you know how God does things. You just need to stand up and do it. Then I will deal
with what ever comes next. Hey Mary, what are you doing? Mary stood up quickly as if she was
just caught doing something wrong.
Coming to visit you, she slightly stuttered even over those words. Joseph looked at Mary, is
there something wrong?
No, nothings wrong, but…
Mary had to encourage her self to speak. Just tell him; if you don’t say it now, I never will. But, I
do have to tell you something. Mary clenched her clothes and looked deep into Joseph’s eyes.
The words began to fall out one by one.

-R.D. Jess

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Hi, I am R.D. Jess. I am a christian writer and postpartum doula. My relationship with my God is not a religion but a state of who I am. I love being there for others and find that writing the hard truth is the best way to make people feel less alone.

2 thoughts on “Mary’s struggle

  1. You really captured the heart of a young girl choosing to trust God. He is trustworthy and deserving of all honor and glory.


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