I had learned so much in the past two years, yet I fall prey to the lies of Satan. The biggest one I have ever seen in my own life is that I am alone. Some how I convince myself that in the midst of a room full of people that I am alone. Here in Israel, I am seeking and growing closer with thirty some people and I have told my self that I am alone. I am so tired of working on relationships, that I decided to finally put in my ear buds in, and listen to music. I drifted into my mind for the first in a long time, watching the trees pass by me as the bus speeds through the holy land. Wandering from thought to thought, the world faded from my attention. Until I see a man in the woods starring back at me, It is my Abba! He stares at me with a small smile, as a small little girl appears behind Him. She plays with such joy in the flowers that her heavenly father made for her to discover. Abba looks behind Him to enjoy the little girls delight for Him, and what He has made. They spend many sweet moments in the woods, God even protects the little girl from the shadows that try to attack her. I felt as If I watched their life together pass by, the joy and sorrow carefully placed in the Fathers hand.
The Father returns to look at me, as if He is beckoning me to join. I honestly didn’t understand at first, I wouldn’t fully understand until much later. The little girl noticed that He was not with her and that He was staring at something. She stood near Him to try to understand what he was looking at. The little girl then locks eyes on me, and realizes what I would not, for a long time. She saw me and realized I was her, her from the future. That Abba was beckoning me to walk with Him as I once did. They both stared for a moment asking me to join, before they turned to join me in the woods. The little girl and I began to interact with each other in a child like way, while are father smiled knowing this is how it was supposed to be.
It’s been a long time since all of this happened, and most of it I am still digesting. I have learned to walk with my child like faith, content with God being everything. I have stepped out in faith doing what I was originally afraid of, yet now I feel more at piece. As if I was a little girl amazed by the flowers in a garden, I am in that garden. finding beauty in God, and finally surrendering my life to God actively. I have been renewed, and I am living a new dream. one of which I had almost forgotten.