What if who I’ve always hoped to be was always me? What if who I hoped to be is less than who I am? I spent my years trying to live up to all the people who made an impact in peoples lives. I tried being goofy and loud, since they seem to be the ones who get heard. I tried so many things that I thought was apart of being seen, but all of that made me loose my identity. I was confused to what was me and what was them.
What if who I am is dead, and now I am living through someone else? So, who am I now? I believe I am someone better than I hoped to be. I never thought the word sweet, would be who I wanted to be. I wanted to be bold and fun, but being gentle and sweet will do. The more I think of it, I have done more being me then you. The more I have been me I have felt less ashamed, and more alive. The more I tried to “grow” the more I withered. Growing comes from God, not me. Who I am is a child of God, my Identity increasing. My body became a vessel, and you filled it with something special.
What if I am unworthy? What if I am worthy because God loves me? I lived in fear of people rejecting, afraid no one wants me. I held onto my failures, assuming they defined me. They only defined the dead me, slowly decaying. The more I die, the more I become alive. If I mess up I am forgiven, His grace is sufficient for me. I began changing into the person God always wanted me to be. Here I discovered that who I am Is better than who I hoped to be.
By -R.D. Jess