scrap book

I wonder if scrap books are more to cause us the pain of what we use to have, instead of bringing us joy. I never knew that the pictures captured the bitter sweetness of the future. The bitter sweet future that is my present tense. I touch the pictures as if the human connection would bring the past back to life. Watching the picture play out in my head, while tracing the smiles on my friends faces. Wondering if that is what they are doing right now. I guess I could blame college, careers, adventures and boyfriends; honestly I couldn't blame those things since I am proud of them. I hope their smiling, I hope their succeeding. Above it all, I hope your growing closer to Christ. Maybe I am bitter towards my own life, having so many dreams that are buried by responsibility. I love seeing all of you chasing your dreams. Seeing my prayers for your future coming true. I know you all are not gone, some I still get to speak to. 
It's Interesting how the type of relationship doesn't matter, because my pictures of my siblings give me the same feelings. I use to brag about how close we all were, now I watch you all from a distance. I am proud of somethings that are apart of you, and sadden by others. Maybe I could blame the year I took to heal from my pain, or not trying hard enough. Honestly I know I did the right thing, because it had to be done. I tried mending the gap, thinking it was my responsibility. I cried an ocean for you, but God said you are now in His hands and He has something else for me. I just hope you all know I am praying for you.
It is hard for me to flip the page and watch God fill in the next pages. God gave me so many sweet memories during those years, a gift of experiences. Now the page has to turn, and I will rely on God as my companion once again. I know that He is amazing companion from all those years I was alone. I guess I was not alone, since He was their through it all. I am just glad You gave me that season to understand what true fellowship is, and now I know how to bless the other believers. 
   All those years of ministry, all those I have invested all of my heart to. It's hard to let go, I just wanted to give them a leader I never had. All of that might not matter since they seem to be experiencing my life in reverse. I was the leader I had in high school, now their walking into my younger years. I want to stay to keep you away, but God is calling me else where.  Please know this, God will hold your hand. The relationship you are about to encounter with Him is the biggest blessing I ever had. When I open the scrap book and see your faces, I will be praying for you. I know the battle your about to go up against.
All of that has come to a close, I am unsure of what is next. What I have to do now is take steps forward, and if I make the wrong step God will keep me from falling. I will still see some of you, and some never again. Things are about to change, while some things stay the same. What will stay and what will go I don't know, but what I do know is that scrap books are filled with bitter sweet memories; and they will continue to be filled with them.
-By R.D. Jess

Published by reneweddream

I am a lover of writings and over the years I have collected a handful of poems and stories I have written. The more I wrote the more I realized I should do something with it, besides putting it in a box.

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